I want to walk on stilts...naked
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
