And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
