thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
