Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
