I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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