Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
