when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
