so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
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Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.