he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.