I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.