theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
