good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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