based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
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The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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