remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
