I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
