At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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