I'm drive I can fine osifer
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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