wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Randomize
