I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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