He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
