There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
