i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
