I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
