She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
