She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
