i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
