so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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