Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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