Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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