Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
