Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
