ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
