ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
