After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
the liver wants what the liver wants
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
