She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
