i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
