i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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