if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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