My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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