First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
