saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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