Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
