don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
