it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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