Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
