Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
