1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
