my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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