i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
