she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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