you traded sex for a burrito?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
tell me about the eggs
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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