Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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