Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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