Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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