i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
