She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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