He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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