Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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