STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so that wasnt chicken after all
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
