Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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