Where did you get a picture of my penis
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
