goodnight i made you a song goodbye
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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