I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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