Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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