Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
