Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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