I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
