woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
