is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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