Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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