Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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