$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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