Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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