The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
