I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
