remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize