So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize