girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
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Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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